She ain't heavy, she's your mother.

Seeing as I have been somebodies mother for the past twenty odd years and have finally reached what I lovingly call "the jumpin' off place" (when your youngest child is at last entering the first grade and for the first time in more years that you care to remember you won't have anyone home with you for 6 whole hours) , I have found myself feeling more and more impatient for school to begin. As reluctant as I may have been last month for summer to bid a fond adios to us amigos who love the warmth and sun, as the new school year approaches with all it's promise of kids gone bye-bye, I'm noticing that I've all but given up motherhood for the time being. I'm sure this is quite disturbing to my children who are used to a mother who actually cares for their needs. They don't understand what's become of the old mom and to be perfectly honest, I'm not sure I know either. I have begun to wonder if my behavior is normal for women who have reached this stage in their lives and if the medical community has come up with a name for it like they did with PMS and mad cow disease. All in all, I am discovering that I have absolutely no desire to help my children- or anyone's children for that matter- with anything. And what's more, I don't try to dance around a task to get out of it or make up excuses as to why I can't do something for them at that moment like I would normally do. Normally, if my 15 year old daughter asked me for a ride somewhere and it wasn't a good time for me, I would tell her that I couldn't do it right then but maybe in an hour or two. I would say this in an effort to let her know that as her mother, I would care for her needs and wishes as much as possible. But as of recently, if asked to do a task such as give her a ride somewhere, I find myself feeling totally burdened by the idea and I don't have the strength to make up excuses as to why I feel this way. Example: Daughter- "Mom, will you give me a ride to so and so's house?"
Me- "no."
Daughter- "Why not?"
Me- "Because I don't want to." This answer leaves my daughter looking perplexed, but it seems to get the message across pretty clearly. After discovering that there's not alot about that kind of honest answer that anyone can really argue with, I have begun to use it to my advantage and have realized that I've been far too agreeable when it comes to a child's demands. The other day one of our children and their friends kept coming inside the house asking me to help them with their little projects. They wanted to set up a water slide on the hill in the park next to our yard and they wanted to do this or they wanted to do that and so on. After about the tenth time they came in and asked me to get them something, I started feeling a little annoyed with them. They were interupting me every five minutes as if I were just the scullery maid or some other such thing put here on earth merely for their own convinience. When I realized I was being taken advantage of by people who were, though somewhat shorter and younger than myself, still capable of  accomplishing small victories such as turning on the hose without help, a light came on inside my head that  caused me to realize I had every right to my own time and space and the setting up of a water slide for perfectly able-bodied ten year old's wasn't a requirement by law, so the next time they came in asking for my help I simply stated, "Stop bugging me. You guy's are old enough to figure out how to set up a water slide." The boy's just stood there staring at me for a few desperate moments before devising a reason as to why I had to go out and assist their cause. " But we can't find the stakes that hold the water slide down." they told me. "Then use rocks" I replied, silently praising my own ingenious for having come up with such an idea. The boy's just stared some more and blinked alot. After a while one of them cautiously asked, "but...won't rocks hurt if we bang into them?"
"Yes," I declared, "especially if you bang them with your heads." Simple enough, but they still stood there looking  confused. When I offered nothing more in the way of a solution, they just stood there looking at me as if I were crazy. Finally I said something mothers everywhere all feel like saying but seldom do; "Look," I began,"I was not put on this earth simply to provide children with their every whim and desire. I have a right to a life of my own to some degree. Now go outside and leave me alone for the rest of the day and do not come back in here and bother me again unless one of you  breaks a bone or someone starts bleeding profusely or something is on fire."  After that speech, the boys managed to set up the water slide without my help and even staked it into place using something other than rocks.
I know this behavior might be shocking to some mothers, but on the other hand it may give some a sense of relief. Maybe there are other women out there who have at last realized that there only objective in life is not to serve their children's every wish and tickle every fancy. But this is not all. I have also noticed that along with getting a backbone, I am now demanding that my children actually serve and help me for a change. I am doing this by any means possible. I am beginning to insist that the teenagers be out of bed before noon and get their chores done before the end of the world. This morning when one of my teenagers refused to get up by the appointed time, I woke her up by sucking her nose into the vacuum hose. She was mad at me at first and tried to express her fury with words, but the suction of the vacuum prevented her from making any sense. I highly recommend this method to anyone with similar issues.
Now before you judge me too harshly, you need to remember that none of this means that I don't love children, especially my own. I have simply discovered that I have a right to a life now and then. You know, you give any kid an inch and they'll take a mile. I'm probably guilty of allowing my kids to take more than a mile where I am concerned so I'm just trying to balance the scales a bit. Besides, no one ever takes me too seriously around here and it's mostly all fun and games-until someone loses an eye. Or maybe a nose.