Like-ish is not a real language.

Our teenage girls have their own language which I believe can only be understood by other teenagers. This language, known as "Like-ish", is sweeping the Nation, and if we Americans do not put our collective feet down, Like-ish will soon become the number one language spoken in our Country and we will all be forced to speak it. Soon we will be calling our children to dinner by saying; "Like, dinner's ready-ish!" and when trying to enforce a curfew we will have to say something such as "I want you like, home by like, ten-ish" which sounds as if you are giving your child permission to be home anytime between nine and eleven.
I think these teenagers are much smarter than they would have us believe. They invented this kind of language on purpose, thinking that if they could get the adults around them to start speaking it, they would have far more freedom. For example, your teenage daughter comes to you with her report card and you see that she is failing several classes to which you respond; "Like, you are grounded-ish until you like, get these grades up and stuff!" This just doesn't sound like you mean it, so the child can throw it all back at you when they tell you that you didn't make your demands clear to them; " I like, thought grounded-ish meant that I could like go to Sally's since she just lives like three block's away." Sally actually lives twelve miles from your home, and your child knows this, but by intelligently inserting the word 'like' in her geographical description, your child has given herself an out. "Sally lives twelve miles away, not three blocks!" you inform her. "Mom, I said she lives like three blocks away, meaning it feels like three blocks when you drive fast. Besides, your the one who said I was "like" grounded-"ish". How am I supposed to know what that means?"
If these teenagers are our future leaders and they continue speaking this language, this "like-ish" stuff could end up getting the whole Country into alot of trouble. Just imagine the impact this language will have on our justice system if a Judge were to give the death sentence to a serial killer by saying, "Serial killer-ish dude, you have been found like guilty-ish and are hereby like, sentenced to death by like, the electric chair where alot of volt thingies will go through your body and stuff and like, kill you until you are like, dead-ish. " What would happen if our traffic signs were changed to say "STOP-ISH" and the speed limit signs were changed to say "Like 25-ish" ? A crisis is brewing here people. We need to do something, and fast. Just the other day I witnessed our daughters Dallas and Maddie having the following conversation: "Did mom buy anymore of those toaster thingies?"
"What toaster thingies?"
"You know those like, pastry-ish things."
"Those things in the blue box?"
"Umm. No, they're in a kind of like yellow-ish tan-ish pink-ish box."
"Oh, they're in the freezer. Oh guess what Dalley! Guess who I talked to for like seven hundred years last night?"
"Bob?"
"No..."
"Ted?"
"Nooo. Mack!" (I've changed some names here)
"Oh my gosh! Like, you did? What did he say? Do you like, like him and stuff?"
"I think we're like, just really good friends and stuff."
"So like, what did you guy's talk about?"
" We talked about eeeverything! We like talked about like really cool and deep stuff ya know? He's just like, like this really sensitive nice guy and he's like sooo open about his feelings and stuff and he's just really really cool. He wants to get a bullet bike and, oh my gosh Dalley! Look outside! Nellie Furtado is stuck in the tree again!" (Nellie is our neighbors cat but our girls call her Nellie Furtado, after the singer. She's always getting stuck in our tree.) Dallas flings a window open and calls outside to Nellie in a monster voice, "AAhh! Nellie Furtado! You are like so crazy-ish and fat-ish!"
"Why is she fat-ish?" Maddie asks
"Because she's not as fat as Bella." Dallas tells her. Bella is our 7 year old Siamese cat who we named long before the Twilight saga began, in case you were wondering.
"Nellie has such long leg-ish thingies!" Dallas says, then goes back into her gravely monster voice, "Aahh! Nellie Furtado!"
"Aaahh! Nellie Furtado!" Now both girls sound like Arnold Schwarzenegger leaning out the window yelling like monsters,
"Nellie!"
"Nellie Fur-taco! Aahh!"
"Aahh!"
"Gedt oudt of dat tree!"
"Nellie!"
"Nellie Furtado get down! Aahh!"
"Aahh, get down Nellie furry taco-ish thing!"
"Raaah! Don't panic Nellie!"
"Don't panic!"
And so it goes. I'm not sure we can trust our futures to people like this.
I personally have tried to make a difference in our Country's future by using a trick practiced by many heads of government: Bribery. I offered to pay my teenage daughter Twenty bucks if she could go a whole day without saying the word "like". She failed miserably as soon as her friend Kim called; "Kimmy! Like, I just tried to call you! You must be like psycho or something! And guess what Joe said last night! He like said this and this and like then he said blah blah blah and then he came over and I was all like 'hi' and stuff and he was all like 'hi' and stuff and then we like went outside and like sat on like the like porch and like like like..." Geeze. Before you know it, we are going to have a female President who speaks Austrian monster like-ish. "Aahh! We like, hab da Powah to like change dis Country for da beddah and stuff! We can like, doo et yoo guy's! Aahh-ish! Kitty, gedt down! Ther's a kidten stuck ind dat tree! Don't panic!"
Oh my.